The Myth of Perfect Parenting

There's been a lot of media hype about this one woman who calls herself a "Tiger Mom", who, self-proclaimed she raised two perfect children due to her "tiger parenting".

Now, as a Type AAAAA person, I naturally read all about her, and her books...then decided this type of parenting is not really the type of parenting I can do.

Contrary to popular belief, my brother (a doctor) and I (a lawyer) were NOT products of Tiger Parenting. My parents were always around, and very attentive to our homework help needs. And my mom shipped me around to Chinese school, and piano lessons every weekend...BUT, there were no threats of taking away material possession, of being "grounded" if I didn't practice 2 hours a day. (Actually, I wasn't given very many material possessions. And the piano they gave me was VERY much cherished by me, not viewed as an instrument of torture). I did not go to the BEST schools in the nation.

Don't get me wrong; my parents were EXTREMELY strict. Until I was 22 (and a LAW SCHOOL graduate), I had a nightly curfew of "before the sunset". I was NOT allowed to have "sleepovers", or go to school dances, or wear makeup or shave my legs. Though I was raised in America, I was still "Made in Taiwan", and raised by TAIWANESE parents.

In my humble opinion, the main problem with "tiger parenting" is that the whole concept ignores God. "Tiger parenting" seems to come from a position of STRENGTH in parenting...and the Bible clearly instructs that where there is, and ONLY where there is weakness, can God do His glory and work on us. This is especially true with parenting.

My parents were and are extremely humbled. They had flaws. However, they never took any credit about our achievements. In fact, growing up, I always wondered "Are mom and dad proud of me?" There were NO Christmas cards sent saying, "Dear blah blah, Kelly is Superlawyer now, 7 years in a row, at age 35. She also is a Judge on the bench, and perfect mom to 2 daughters. Eric is a SuperDoctor, lecturing in Chicago and published in super duper expert books".

Quite the opposite, actually.

They tried ever so hard to humble us, and ignore our achievements. They never claimed it as a result of their parenting.

And today, as a mother, I must say - I am against "tiger parenting". Sure, I will enroll Adia in piano and I will continue to sing and play piano every day to my daughters. I will also continue to hire au pairs from China so there is Chinese present in our lives every day. And of course, I will feel proud of their achievements and sometimes take credit for it.

But I also know that outside of love, and giving them a safe, secure stable home with a humble yet strong mother - that I can do to really impact how they turn out.

I am the instrument, but God is the player. So I guess I have to be an instrument that can be molded.

It's really great that I am home with little Raya every day. I am watching her sleep right now - perfect little angel...and I am simply overwhelmed by how fast this whole parenting thing is going. Adia is 3.5 years old! And Raya is 2.5 months old. I just can't believe they will be going to school soon.

I started teaching Adia the solfege system when she was 18 months old. Recently at around 3 years old, I started her on piano lessons using the number system. I will say, 1-1-5-5-6-6-5 ... and she will play Do Do So So La La So -- and so on and so forth, and it's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star! She has been in music lessons since she was 9 months old. And she bears this incredible love of music - especially classical. I am really incredibly proud of her, and I am grateful for God's blessings that I can teach this to her...

But I also know, in a few years, when there is school and many other distractions, it may be a bit challenging to get her to practice piano. I am not sure if I will force her to keep at it. My parents never forced it on me. Rather, I had this penchant for it, and my love and talent for piano was there - so I just chose to keep at it. Hopefully, Adia and Raya will be this way too.

Parenting is quite difficult, I must say. There is a difference between birthing children and parenting children. Frankly, pregnancy and labor and delivery were a piece of cake for me. Both times, I worked up until the day I gave birth. Pushing them out was MUCH easier than running a marathon, or even running a mile. But the parenting...

Parenting is the tough part. When Adia has these incredible meltdowns and says insensitive things, I feel like a failure. I start wondering if I should spank her? Give her less things?

She challenges me SO much. Then one time, I just didn't do anything. I just started to tear up. And she looked at me with curiosity and concern...and then I prayed.

Little Adia is so precious. She prays every night with Daddy. Sometimes her prayers are so darling and cute. Instead of praying for the children who don't have food, she prays like this, "I thank God for all the children who don't have food. Please bless them." Though she doesn't mean to, her prayers always add a layer of innocence, and enables me to see the world clearer.

I struggle a LOT with pride. If there is one thing that God can take away from me, it's this excessive pride. And I hope it's gone, or at least a CHUNK of it is gone, before both of them reach their teenage years. :)