God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. - 1 Corinthians 1:9
"Look, Adia, it's a rainbow!!!!"
Adia squeals in delight, "OHHH!"
According to Wikipedia, a rainbow is "an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicoloured arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch."
To a child, that rainbow is pure magic. A beautiful arrangement of every color they know.
To me, that rainbow is a reminder that our Lord God is faithful. In Noah's days, God sent a rainbow as His divine promise that He will never destroy the earth again with a flood.
God keeps His promises. And if we call on Him, He will deliver.
Last year, I was diagnosed with a partial molar pregnancy. Our precious Adia was about 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. Although I felt much sicker this time than the first time (severe morning sickness), and I was only 85 pounds because I was still breastfeeding, I felt confident God would deliver and it was a good sign of a healthy baby. We were ecstatic!
However, at about 11 weeks, the ultrasound revealed a dead fetus. This was traumatic enough - but what sent me over the edge was the diagnosis of "partial molar pregnancy". (PMP)
A PMP, as I experienced, was weird cancer-like cells growing out of my placenta. The cells grew outrageously - which explained my severe morning sickness - and crushed out the growing fetus. The fetus itself was deformed - an accident of nature, and would never have survived anyway.
The diagnosis sent me through two surgeries (one in June 2009, one in September 2009). When the surgeries didn't help my HCG drop, I had a very close bout with chemotherapy in order to destroy the wicked cells. I was monitored weekly by intrusive blood tests. (still am, actually - though they are now monthly).
My marriage underwent severe stress. I actually prepared divorce papers, In Re Marriage of Rickert, Kelly and Scott. I almost became a client of my own practice.
During this time, the worst part of it was the fear that I may not be there for Adia. After losing the second baby, I was paralyzed by fear of loss. I still recall the day I returned from my surgery. I held Adia for hours, letting her sleep on me, while I prayed to God to protect her - to protect us.
I think the worst effect of tragedy is fear. Whereas I felt so safe and untouchable before, now, it appeared that my health would conquer me.
Guess what? IT DIDN'T. I did not allow myself to sink into fear. In fact, I continued being the best mother ever (I even continued to breastfeed until the second surgery!), and spent lots of family time with Scott and Adia. Actually, I think the whole experience drove me insane, and we took about 10 vacations last year so I could feel "alive" and conquering the MOLE.
But you know, in the end, the one thing that gave me strength (in addition to the love of my husband and child, and my parents and friends), is my relationship with God.
I feel humbled and reassured when I read His word. I acknowledge that He is in control - not me, not my doctor - not even Adia! (Even though anyone can tell you from simple observation she runs my life!!)
I meditated on that every day. I trust that as He watches the sparrow and cares for its needs, He will not forget me, His child.
It's not something I can explain. I am a lawyer - trust me, I can explain my butt off on any topic.
But FAITH - you can't explain that. It's just delight in the Lord. And it's receipt of the "peace that passes all understanding" (Philippians 4:7).
Strange as it may seem, during challenging times, faith is screaming the loudest.
I am so happy to report that it's 2010, and my blood tests have been clear. I do not yet have the "green light" on conception, but I am healed.
And my marriage is intact.
2nd Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
God reminds us everyday of his faithfulness. Are you going through physical ailments? Is your marriage rocky? Are you financially stressed?
Whatever fear holds you victim, whatever challenge you find insurmountable - give it to Him.
Remember, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26.
