"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1
If you are anything like me, your marriage suffered (A LOT) the entire first year of your baby's life.
There are too many reasons for this, but this post focuses on the remedy. For me, it's truly appreciating my husband and (here is the tough part)....showing it.
The Bible is my GPS. As a divorce lawyer and new mother, I have my own ideas of what is best for my family.
Following through on my ideas is why I failed this year.
I've been to many seminars, and I am a good student. I understand that the priorities should be: 1) my relationship with God; 2) my marriage to Scott and 3) little Adia; 4) household duties; and 5) work.
However, I can't find a Bible verse that says I need to put marriage before children!
In all my research, I concluded that the reason you cannot put children before marriage is because in order to properly raise children (fulfill all needs; instill values/discpline; implant and cultivate skills for independence), you NEED the marriage.
Simply put, a single parent (or two parents without common Christian-oriented principles)cannot do what a God-ordained married couple can do with their children.
Of course, some circumstances in life are beyond our control. But if you have a God-loving spouse, you will find a way to cherish and show him you cherish him.
Here are my ways to showing my respect to Scott:
1. REACH A DECISION TOGETHER. I have a tendency to immediately do what I think is best for Adia, i.e. hiring a nanny/au pair; Chinese lessons; piano lessons; NO formula; whether we go to a party when Adia is sick or not. Because I am decisive and aggressive (a carryover from my professional life), and Scott is naturally more willing to weigh both sides and negotiate (a carryover from his professional life), I made most final decisions.
I used to not trust Scott to make decisions. I thought he would always make the wrong decisions. This resulted in bitterness, feeling under- and unappreciated, and robbed Scott of his role as the leader of our household.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord," Ephesians 5:22.
No, I am not Scott's slave. These days, I aim to give ideas, and have him have the final say.
2. IDENTIFY HIS TOP FIVE NEEDS AND AIM TO FULFILL THREE OF THEM. Men are different than women. I firmly believe that the first year after birth - there is inevitable failure on the wife to provide needs for the husband. It happened to me. I consulted Proverbs 31. Did she fulfill her husband's physical needs? Not sure. The Bible doesn't specifically identify what are reasonable needs of men. In addition, Scott's needs are individual. Finally, if you just gave birth, you need to forgive yourself. It is a physically demanding task.
These days, I try to decipher what he needs from past arguments and provide. I am successful about 37% of the time, but this is about 37% of the time better than last year.
3. WRITE BLOGS TO BETTER MYSELF. Learning to be a better mother and wife is a process.
