Bittersweet Motherhood
Part I: Human Binky
There isn't much in life richer in experience than being a mother.
I realize I also have tunnel vision, and haven't slept more than 4 hours straight for about 10 weeks.
But, I am speaking from experience. I haven't always been a stay-at-home mom. I once was a party animal, jetsetting world traveler in my 20's, and I have been to over 33 countries. I have sky-dove. I have jumped off Mount Pepito hangliding in Rio De Janeiro. I went to Turkey alone after 9/11 for a month. I was on a reality TV show. I have been in commercials. Dude, I won the showcase showdown on The Price is Right. I became an attorney at age 23, possibly setting a record in the California State Bar. I believe the youngest attorney was age 23, and I was that one attorney. I also am a divorce and custody attorney - and have been for almost 13 years. I have sat on the bench as a Judge. I have ran a marathon! I have been pregnant 3 times, and carried two pregnancies to term - OVER term - and vaginally pushed out 2 babies. So in my 36 years, I have seen a LOT, dealt with a LOT, and experienced a LOT.
(Sorry, I HAD to put in a brag paragraph, because seriously, my life is just about one thing right now, which makes me very boring, and I have to justify my point of view by telling my audience I USED TO BE SOOO INTERESTING!!!!!)
NOTHING compares to raising children. NOTHING.
Currently, I am dealing with one major issue: lack of sleep. We are not talking the WEEK of finals where no one sleeps. WE are talking 10 straight weeks of catnaps, through the night and day. And why?
Because Raya has made me her human binky.
Because Raya has made me her human binky.
It works like this: Raya needs my boobs for comfort. So I comfort her with my boob. Then, as is nature to addiction, she seeks comfort more and more - so I nurse her more and more. Now, she won't sleep without sucking on me. And she refuses a binky. (it's nothing like a human nipple).
I have googled it. There are 2 trains of thought.
1) That's what it's for; and
2) STOP it and let them cry it out.
There isn't a middle ground. I can't just SOMETIMES let her do it, because babies don't know moderation.
So, I opted for choice 1, and now, Raya is attached to me almost 12-15 hours a day.
Why is it bittersweet? Because only I can comfort this little one. Only I can feed her, and only I am equipped. It makes me feel incredibly special.
But it is also killing me. I literally hold in my pee and poo for HOURS. (this is NOT good for your health). I also have not slept.
Help me!
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