Huili's Last Day

H

Early this morning, Adia and Scott took Huili to the airport.  Huili is off to Washington DC to be with a new family for another year.

I have never seen Adia cry when an au pair left.  She cried today.  She is 3 and 1/2 years old.

Every time an au pair leaves, and a new one comes, Adia is one year older...

Huili is an amazing young woman.  She is the 2nd of 4 children - and she really, really took care of not only Adia, but our family.  What amazed me about Huili is her quiet strength - the type that I can only envy because I can never possess that.  Whether she is physically ill, or feeling homesick, or something is troubling her, she never succumbed to her emotions, but kept prodding on, taking care of Adia.  She ALWAYS put others before herself.

Isn't it interesting that this young lady - who never knew of Christ - followed in His steps?  Others before self.

Huili told me before she left that she thinks she believes in God, in Christ.

Of all the au pairs, Huili was the only one who saw the circle of life in our home.  When she arrived in May 2011, I was only about 2.5 months pregnant.  She was one of the first ones who knew.  She went to Florida with us - to Disneyworld.  Then, she moved with us 3 times, to 3 different homes, while we completed the 8-week kitchen remodel when I was 21 weeks pregnant.  She was there when we discovered Raya was a girl!

And, she was the one Adia ran to that morning Adia woke up, came to our bedroom, and realized mama and daddy had gone to the hospital to have baby Raya.

Huili brushed Adia's teeth that morning, and got her dressed to come see mama at the hospital with her new baby sister.

When Huili came, Adia was our only child.  Today, Adia is the best big sister in the world.

When Huili came, Raya was only merely a fetus.  Today, Raya is 5 months old, sleeping through the night, and eating solids.

When Huili came, I was a little jaded about the au pair system.  Today, I have faith that God will send us another au pair from heaven.

Huili was not only our Au Pair of Excellence - she was truly a Godsend.

We will miss you, our dear Huili.  Thank you for being in our lives for a year.  We will miss you dearly!!

The Balls that Count

The Balls That Count

As working mothers, we all juggle many, many balls. I can count at least five (5): work, family, friends, health, and spirit.

I can generally keep up at 4 of the 5 balls. Can you guess which ones?

Sometimes, I fail at 2.

The lesson to be derived from this posting is NOT to keep up all the balls. It may be impossible. (Though with God, ALL things are possible.) The lesson is knowing which balls may be dropped.

Of the five, only one ball is made of rubber. The rest of them are made of glass, and can shatter irreplaceably.

WORK is the only rubber ball in the mix.

FAMILY, FRIENDS, HEALTH, and SPIRIT are made of glass, and break.

As I am writing this, I am lying in bed, sick with bronchitis/largynitis for the second time in 2010. I realize that this is a direct result of me trying to juggle too many balls. I run a very successful law firm. That takes up 100% of me. I then try to be a supermama. That takes up 100% of me. I also try to be superwife - another 100%. I try to be superboss. That takes up 100%. So, at the end of the day, I am at -400%, and my health and spirit are drained.

The thing to realize as a mother is that your child will not only survive, but actually THRIVE better, if you devote more time to yourself. I obviously do not mean that you should abandon spending time with your children to go and shop every day. However, if you are drained of energy at the end of the day, it is ok to ask your husband to help with bath time, and to go to bed early. It does not make you a bad mother.

Also, if you are sick, and you have help in the house, it is absolutely ok to not spend time with your child, and spend the day recuperating, so you have your health back! (AND you don't contaminate your child).

I am an absolute victim of my own self-imposed guilt. When Adia was about 2 months old, I came down with horrible bronchitis which lasted for 2 months. I was a martyr and continued to breastfeed, refusing medications. I had read somewhere that Adia wouldn't be sick if she nursed and received my antibodies. So I fed her religiously. No, she never got sick. However, instead of healing in 1 week, it took me over 2 months to heal (a low point in my life, where I also dropped down to 82 pounds).

As a severe Type A mother, I have my own ideas of what defines a "successful" mother, and what defines a "failure". I have realized from being a mother for 21 months that NONE of what I thought matters really matters.

Don't get me wrong. I am still quite enjoying the fact that Adia knows her alphabet, can spell B-I-B-L-E, and L-O-V-E, speaks fluently and easily in Chinese and English, and knows her Do, Re Mi's. I am still quite tickled by the fact that my own mother and father (who raised a lawyer and a doctor) tell me that Adia is 10 times smarter than we ever were. :)

I am not saying academic success isn't important. Or giving Adia the best nutrition and the best care possible.

I am just saying I am trying to remember that I need to keep things in balance so I can raise her in sanity.

So, I give myself permission to go get a one-hour massage once a week, instead of teaching her music theory.

And, I think, even though it is 7 am, and my first client is at 9 am, it is ok for me to leave an hour early to go to work and read my emails, instead of allowing Adia to attach herself to me until 8:30, whereby I have to rush through breakfast, getting ready and battle traffic, just so I can be the "supermom" I think she wants.

:)

It's 4:15 pm. It is ok to take a nap.

This Little Chap Who Follows Me

The Little Chap Who Follows Me!
Author: Unknown

A careful man I want to be;
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray
For fear he'll go the self same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whate'er he sees me do, he tries.
Like me he says he's going to be;
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I'm so very fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see;
The little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go
Through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be;
The little chap who follows me.

Do Re Mi

Adia knows her Do, Re, Mi's. She is 17 months old.

If you are a parent who is interested in music education, I would specifically recommend researching the "solfege" system and enrolling immediately in a music school which incorporates this type of education.

I learned the piano when I was 3 years old. I recall the sticker books that my piano teacher used to bribe us. Every correctly played note or song would earn me a sticker. At that time, I was more interested in filling up my sticker book, but in my teen years, as I went to church, I began recognizing that I had a unique skill - sight-reading, which came as a direct result of my early years in solfege education.

What is solfege?

Solfege is an important part of learning to read music and is a technique used to teach sight-singing or sight reading.

Each note in solfege is sung to a different syllable do, re, me, fa, so, la, ti, and each note has a corresponding hand sign (as seen in photos).

To teach your child solfege do the following: (I prefer setting Do to Middle C on the piano - note you can set "do" on other notes, but for ease, Do on Middle C is preferred).

1. Sing DO to the first pitch of any major scale (i.e. if you choose the major C scale, C would be your first note).

2. Now, sing and sign do with your hand (as seen in photo below).

3. Have your child sing and sign do. If needed, help mold your child's hand into the do shape until he or she can sign do his or herself.

4. Continue to teach your child every solfege sign and syllable.

5. Note: Solfege is a great way to introduce music to your baby!

Solfege Pronunciation:

Do = Doh (For the C scale you will sing C pitch)

Re = Ray (For the C scale you will sing D pitch)

Mi = Mee (For the C scale you will sing E pitch)

Fa = Fah (For the C scale your will sing F pitch)

So = Soh (For the C scale you will sing G pitch)

La = Lah (For the C scale you will sing A pitch)

Ti = Tee (For the C scale you will sing B pitch)

Do!

It was done in Sound of Music.

Adia already knows approximately 20 songs, in entirety.

On a related note, Adia has been exposed to Chinese and English simultaneously since birth. I believe that the intonations of the two different languages is also directly linked to her music ability. Music is imitation by ear. To be tone-deaf means you cannot hear the note and imitate it...this results in off-tune singing. On American Idol, this is referred to as "pitchy - ness". If you sing too "high" for the note, you are "sharp." If it's too low, you are "flat."

I am fascinated by music education and it is my hope that one day, I will have the resources to bring it back to our public and private schools.

DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO!!!!

Working Moms - This is for you

To my friends who are mothers who work professionally full time (or more than full time), and often must leave their children:
I
have told this story before many times in various ways on various comment sections on various working mothers' blogs, so I apologize if you have heard this before, but it I think it bears repeating.
When
I was a poor college student putting myself through school, one of my three jobs was being a part-time nanny, for several years, for a busy professional couple with two little girls. The girls' mother, who loved her children deeply, was a professional writer and small business owner. She sometimes worked from home in her office while I watched the kids, but sometimes her business meant she had to leave, for hours, or for whole days at a time.
When the girls' mother had to leave
for work, sometimes, they would cry. They would throw their arms around her and beg her not to leave. As they got older, and could articulate their feelings, they would say things like, "Don't leave me Mommy! You leave too much! I miss you when you're gone."
I could see the
guilt and longing in their mother's eyes, on those days, as I pulled her tearful, clinging children away, and she walked out the door to the sounds of their sobs. Not yet having a child of my own, I did not then understand her pain as fully as I do now, but so I could sense that these moments weighed on her — that echoes of her daughters' cries would linger somewhere in a corner of her mind all day.
Five or
ten minutes after she left, the kids would recover completely, and start laughing and playing with me just as they did on the days when their mother was in the next room.
Sometimes, the older girl would get out a box and pretend to type on it as if it were a computer.
"I'm a Mommy. I'm working," she would say. "I'm a writer writing things."
And that little girl would sound so proud.
Your
children miss you when you cannot be with them. Of course they do. And they miss their Dad when he isn't around (or their other Mom, or their Grandma). And when they're home alone with you, I bet they miss their favorite babysitters and teachers, too. All kids would prefer to have all of their favorite people available 24 hours a day, to be summoned or dismissed at childish whim.
But
they love you, the whole of you, more than anything, and even at an early age, they understand that your career — your drive to create things of value with your skills and your mind, not just at home, but out in the wider world — is part of who you are.
And because
they know that about you, they also know that one day they can also be great parents AND great workers. They are the girls who will play games of "Office" alongside their games of "House." They are the boys who will see no problem with Daddies who push strollers or Mommies who get invited to speak at conferences.
And they will be women and men
who, one day, I hope, will come to understand how you felt (how I've sometimes felt, too) about having to walk out the door on those certain hard days, as your children cried. Who will realize that even on those days you walked away, you were doing it, as you did everything, for them — to support them, to build a better life for them, to change the world, for them.
And I do not think they will hold those times against you.

God is Faithful

God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. - 1 Corinthians 1:9

"Look, Adia, it's a rainbow!!!!"

Adia squeals in delight, "OHHH!"

According to Wikipedia, a rainbow is "an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicoloured arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch."

To a child, that rainbow is pure magic. A beautiful arrangement of every color they know.

To me, that rainbow is a reminder that our Lord God is faithful. In Noah's days, God sent a rainbow as His divine promise that He will never destroy the earth again with a flood.

God keeps His promises. And if we call on Him, He will deliver.

Last year, I was diagnosed with a partial molar pregnancy. Our precious Adia was about 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. Although I felt much sicker this time than the first time (severe morning sickness), and I was only 85 pounds because I was still breastfeeding, I felt confident God would deliver and it was a good sign of a healthy baby. We were ecstatic!

However, at about 11 weeks, the ultrasound revealed a dead fetus. This was traumatic enough - but what sent me over the edge was the diagnosis of "partial molar pregnancy". (PMP)

A PMP, as I experienced, was weird cancer-like cells growing out of my placenta. The cells grew outrageously - which explained my severe morning sickness - and crushed out the growing fetus. The fetus itself was deformed - an accident of nature, and would never have survived anyway.

The diagnosis sent me through two surgeries (one in June 2009, one in September 2009). When the surgeries didn't help my HCG drop, I had a very close bout with chemotherapy in order to destroy the wicked cells. I was monitored weekly by intrusive blood tests. (still am, actually - though they are now monthly).

My marriage underwent severe stress. I actually prepared divorce papers, In Re Marriage of Rickert, Kelly and Scott. I almost became a client of my own practice.

During this time, the worst part of it was the fear that I may not be there for Adia. After losing the second baby, I was paralyzed by fear of loss. I still recall the day I returned from my surgery. I held Adia for hours, letting her sleep on me, while I prayed to God to protect her - to protect us.

I think the worst effect of tragedy is fear. Whereas I felt so safe and untouchable before, now, it appeared that my health would conquer me.

Guess what? IT DIDN'T. I did not allow myself to sink into fear. In fact, I continued being the best mother ever (I even continued to breastfeed until the second surgery!), and spent lots of family time with Scott and Adia. Actually, I think the whole experience drove me insane, and we took about 10 vacations last year so I could feel "alive" and conquering the MOLE.

But you know, in the end, the one thing that gave me strength (in addition to the love of my husband and child, and my parents and friends), is my relationship with God.

I feel humbled and reassured when I read His word. I acknowledge that He is in control - not me, not my doctor - not even Adia! (Even though anyone can tell you from simple observation she runs my life!!)

I meditated on that every day. I trust that as He watches the sparrow and cares for its needs, He will not forget me, His child.

It's not something I can explain. I am a lawyer - trust me, I can explain my butt off on any topic.

But FAITH - you can't explain that. It's just delight in the Lord. And it's receipt of the "peace that passes all understanding" (Philippians 4:7).

Strange as it may seem, during challenging times, faith is screaming the loudest.

I am so happy to report that it's 2010, and my blood tests have been clear. I do not yet have the "green light" on conception, but I am healed.

And my marriage is intact.

2nd Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

God reminds us everyday of his faithfulness. Are you going through physical ailments? Is your marriage rocky? Are you financially stressed?

Whatever fear holds you victim, whatever challenge you find insurmountable - give it to Him.

Remember, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26.

New Year's Resolution: Focus on Husband

"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1











If you are anything like me, your marriage suffered (A LOT) the entire first year of your baby's life.
There are too many reasons for this, but this post focuses on the remedy. For me, it's truly appreciating my husband and (here is the tough part)....showing it.
The Bible is my GPS. As a divorce lawyer and new mother, I have my own ideas of what is best for my family.
Following through on my ideas is why I failed this year.
I've been to many seminars, and I am a good student. I understand that the priorities should be: 1) my relationship with God; 2) my marriage to Scott and 3) little Adia; 4) household duties; and 5) work.
However, I can't find a Bible verse that says I need to put marriage before children!
In all my research, I concluded that the reason you cannot put children before marriage is because in order to properly raise children (fulfill all needs; instill values/discpline; implant and cultivate skills for independence), you NEED the marriage.
Simply put, a single parent (or two parents without common Christian-oriented principles)cannot do what a God-ordained married couple can do with their children.
Of course, some circumstances in life are beyond our control. But if you have a God-loving spouse, you will find a way to cherish and show him you cherish him.
Here are my ways to showing my respect to Scott:
1. REACH A DECISION TOGETHER. I have a tendency to immediately do what I think is best for Adia, i.e. hiring a nanny/au pair; Chinese lessons; piano lessons; NO formula; whether we go to a party when Adia is sick or not. Because I am decisive and aggressive (a carryover from my professional life), and Scott is naturally more willing to weigh both sides and negotiate (a carryover from his professional life), I made most final decisions.
I used to not trust Scott to make decisions. I thought he would always make the wrong decisions. This resulted in bitterness, feeling under- and unappreciated, and robbed Scott of his role as the leader of our household.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord," Ephesians 5:22.
No, I am not Scott's slave. These days, I aim to give ideas, and have him have the final say.
2. IDENTIFY HIS TOP FIVE NEEDS AND AIM TO FULFILL THREE OF THEM. Men are different than women. I firmly believe that the first year after birth - there is inevitable failure on the wife to provide needs for the husband. It happened to me. I consulted Proverbs 31. Did she fulfill her husband's physical needs? Not sure. The Bible doesn't specifically identify what are reasonable needs of men. In addition, Scott's needs are individual. Finally, if you just gave birth, you need to forgive yourself. It is a physically demanding task.
These days, I try to decipher what he needs from past arguments and provide. I am successful about 37% of the time, but this is about 37% of the time better than last year.
3. WRITE BLOGS TO BETTER MYSELF. Learning to be a better mother and wife is a process.