The Balls that Count

The Balls That Count

As working mothers, we all juggle many, many balls. I can count at least five (5): work, family, friends, health, and spirit.

I can generally keep up at 4 of the 5 balls. Can you guess which ones?

Sometimes, I fail at 2.

The lesson to be derived from this posting is NOT to keep up all the balls. It may be impossible. (Though with God, ALL things are possible.) The lesson is knowing which balls may be dropped.

Of the five, only one ball is made of rubber. The rest of them are made of glass, and can shatter irreplaceably.

WORK is the only rubber ball in the mix.

FAMILY, FRIENDS, HEALTH, and SPIRIT are made of glass, and break.

As I am writing this, I am lying in bed, sick with bronchitis/largynitis for the second time in 2010. I realize that this is a direct result of me trying to juggle too many balls. I run a very successful law firm. That takes up 100% of me. I then try to be a supermama. That takes up 100% of me. I also try to be superwife - another 100%. I try to be superboss. That takes up 100%. So, at the end of the day, I am at -400%, and my health and spirit are drained.

The thing to realize as a mother is that your child will not only survive, but actually THRIVE better, if you devote more time to yourself. I obviously do not mean that you should abandon spending time with your children to go and shop every day. However, if you are drained of energy at the end of the day, it is ok to ask your husband to help with bath time, and to go to bed early. It does not make you a bad mother.

Also, if you are sick, and you have help in the house, it is absolutely ok to not spend time with your child, and spend the day recuperating, so you have your health back! (AND you don't contaminate your child).

I am an absolute victim of my own self-imposed guilt. When Adia was about 2 months old, I came down with horrible bronchitis which lasted for 2 months. I was a martyr and continued to breastfeed, refusing medications. I had read somewhere that Adia wouldn't be sick if she nursed and received my antibodies. So I fed her religiously. No, she never got sick. However, instead of healing in 1 week, it took me over 2 months to heal (a low point in my life, where I also dropped down to 82 pounds).

As a severe Type A mother, I have my own ideas of what defines a "successful" mother, and what defines a "failure". I have realized from being a mother for 21 months that NONE of what I thought matters really matters.

Don't get me wrong. I am still quite enjoying the fact that Adia knows her alphabet, can spell B-I-B-L-E, and L-O-V-E, speaks fluently and easily in Chinese and English, and knows her Do, Re Mi's. I am still quite tickled by the fact that my own mother and father (who raised a lawyer and a doctor) tell me that Adia is 10 times smarter than we ever were. :)

I am not saying academic success isn't important. Or giving Adia the best nutrition and the best care possible.

I am just saying I am trying to remember that I need to keep things in balance so I can raise her in sanity.

So, I give myself permission to go get a one-hour massage once a week, instead of teaching her music theory.

And, I think, even though it is 7 am, and my first client is at 9 am, it is ok for me to leave an hour early to go to work and read my emails, instead of allowing Adia to attach herself to me until 8:30, whereby I have to rush through breakfast, getting ready and battle traffic, just so I can be the "supermom" I think she wants.

:)

It's 4:15 pm. It is ok to take a nap.