Giving Thanks

MY MILLION THANKS

God...parents...brother...husband...kids...au pair...associate...assistant...baby naps...baby laughter...4-year-old humor...billable hours...food...rain...healthy pregnancies...super-fast labor and delivery...6-year-maternity leave...health...36 years old...clients...marriages...love...preschool teachers...moms who are my friends...friends who aren't moms...mini-vans...amazon.com...husband who changes diapers...working from home...doctors...breastfeeding...spas...daily routines...evening surprises from husband...settlement checks in the mail...validation...anonymity...slow cookers...take-out...peace...drama...no teeth...not getting sick when kids were sick...consecutive 2-hour sleep periods...foot massages...iphones...new experiences...good clients...bad clients...colleagues...smart Judges...generous mentors...loyal friends...a bit of sadness now and then...not getting hurt in my Ides of March car accident...Lunch Bunch...Webby Dance...Adia's teachers...Raya's out of control hair...parents moving to Los Angeles...

There is just so much to be thankful for this year.  Last year, at this exact time, I was 38 weeks pregnant with my baby Raya...who is almost 1 year-old today.  Last year, she was just a notion.  Today, she is a toddler who steals my breath when she smiles and laughs.  Last year, Adia was a 3 year old, just starting preschool.  This year, she is a big sister ready for Kindergarten, doing simple math and teaching me new words.

Last year, at this time, I was having doubts about being able to take 6 months off of work, and really struggling with loss of control over my law practice.  Today, I am excited to be able to take the next 2 years off to continue to raise my baby girls, and to slowly go back to work, for my comeback as a power attorney in 2015.

I have struggled with a lot of things this year - post-partum, massive exhaustion, loss of identity...but all of that is overpowered by the absolute joy and pride I have for being a stay-at-home mother.  I never thought I would have the strength or stamina to be able to do it, but I did it!!!

I am also thankful that I have had quiet moments this year.  It hasn't been a year of accomplishments, or international trips.  It has just been a year of staying home and taking care of my children.  I found there were more memories and beauty in staying at home.  Though at times I felt like I was going batty, I know that I will never love anything more in the future than these few years at home.  I am so, so grateful for my healthy and beautiful children.

I hope each and every one of you take the time to really reflect on the past year. Give thanks - there is just so much to be thankful for.  xoxo

Huili's Last Day

H

Early this morning, Adia and Scott took Huili to the airport.  Huili is off to Washington DC to be with a new family for another year.

I have never seen Adia cry when an au pair left.  She cried today.  She is 3 and 1/2 years old.

Every time an au pair leaves, and a new one comes, Adia is one year older...

Huili is an amazing young woman.  She is the 2nd of 4 children - and she really, really took care of not only Adia, but our family.  What amazed me about Huili is her quiet strength - the type that I can only envy because I can never possess that.  Whether she is physically ill, or feeling homesick, or something is troubling her, she never succumbed to her emotions, but kept prodding on, taking care of Adia.  She ALWAYS put others before herself.

Isn't it interesting that this young lady - who never knew of Christ - followed in His steps?  Others before self.

Huili told me before she left that she thinks she believes in God, in Christ.

Of all the au pairs, Huili was the only one who saw the circle of life in our home.  When she arrived in May 2011, I was only about 2.5 months pregnant.  She was one of the first ones who knew.  She went to Florida with us - to Disneyworld.  Then, she moved with us 3 times, to 3 different homes, while we completed the 8-week kitchen remodel when I was 21 weeks pregnant.  She was there when we discovered Raya was a girl!

And, she was the one Adia ran to that morning Adia woke up, came to our bedroom, and realized mama and daddy had gone to the hospital to have baby Raya.

Huili brushed Adia's teeth that morning, and got her dressed to come see mama at the hospital with her new baby sister.

When Huili came, Adia was our only child.  Today, Adia is the best big sister in the world.

When Huili came, Raya was only merely a fetus.  Today, Raya is 5 months old, sleeping through the night, and eating solids.

When Huili came, I was a little jaded about the au pair system.  Today, I have faith that God will send us another au pair from heaven.

Huili was not only our Au Pair of Excellence - she was truly a Godsend.

We will miss you, our dear Huili.  Thank you for being in our lives for a year.  We will miss you dearly!!

My Bi-Lingual Children

This article was forwarded to me by a dear friend.  My daughter Adia (age 3.5 years), is truly bi-lingual.  What I mean by truly is - she can think and speak simultaneously - both Chinese and English.  This is an AMAZING difference.  Most of us who learn Spanish and/or French - we don't THINK in these languages.  Instead, we think in English, and then translate into French.

Two interesting things about Adia: 1) She learned BOTH languages from the outset (different from me, a first generation American.  I learned Taiwanese and Chinese first, then age 6, I learned English); and 2) We have been speaking to her in Chinese and English since birth, but at some point, she stopped speaking Chinese to me (her Chinese mama).  She will only speak Chinese to my parents and the Chinese au pairs.  

Being bi-lingual has not affected Adia's language development.  At 4.5 months, she said, "Bird" pointing at a bird in the backyard, and "moon" at the moon.  I have heard that being bi-lingual can have delays, but this isn't true in both our girls cases.

Raya is still a baby.  She will be 5 months old.  2 weeks ago, she said, "Ma Ma.", while motioning towards me.  We will also be speaking both Chinese and English to her.  It will be interesting to hear the girls speak Chinese to each other.  :)  Enjoy the article!

By Robert Lee Hotz

iStockphoto

The ability to speak two languages can make bilingual people better able to pay attention than those who can only speak one language, a new study suggests.

Scientists have long suspected that some enhanced mental abilities might be tied to structural differences in brain networks shaped by learning more than one language, just as a musician’s brain can be altered by the long hours of practice needed to master an instrument.

Now, in a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,researchers at Northwestern University for the first time have documented differences in how the bilingual brain processes the sounds of speech, compared with those who speak a single language, in ways that make it better at picking out a spoken syllable, even when it is buried in a babble of voices.

That biological difference in the auditory nervous system appears to also enhance attention and working memory among those who speak more than one language, they say.

“Because you have two languages going on in your head, you become very good at determining what is and is not relevant,” says Dr. Nina Kraus, a professor of neurobiology and physiology at Northwestern, who was part of the study team. “You are a mental juggler.”

In the new study, Kraus and her colleagues tested the involuntary neural responses to speech sounds by comparing brain signals in 23 high school students who were fluent in English and Spanish to those of 25 teenagers who only spoke English. When it was quiet, both groups could hear the test syllable — “da” — with no trouble, but when there was background noise, the brains of the bilingual students were significantly better at detecting the fundamental frequency of speech sounds.

“We have determined that the nervous system of a bilingual person responds to sound in a way that is distinctive from a person who speaks only one language,” Kraus says.

Through this fine-tuning of the nervous system, people who can master more than one language are building a more resilient brain, one more proficient at multitasking, setting priorities, and, perhaps, better able to withstand the ravages of age, a range of recent studies suggest.

Indeed, some preliminary research suggests that people who speak a second language may have enhanced defenses against the onset of dementia and delay Alzheimer’s disease by an average of four years, as WSJ reported in 2010.

The ability to speak more than one language also may help protect memory, researchers from the Center for Health Studies in Luxembourg reported at last year.

After studying older people who spoke multiple languages, they concluded that the more languages someone could speak, the better: People who spoke three languages were three times less likely to have cognitive problems compared to bilingual people. Those who spoke four or more languages were five times less likely to develop cognitive problems.

Not so long ago, people worried that children who grew up learning two languages at once were at a developmental disadvantage compared with those who focused on only one.

New research suggests that even babies have little trouble developing bilingual skills.

Researchers at the University of British Columbia’s Infant Studies Centre reported that babies being raised in a bilingual family show from birth a preference for each of the native languages they heard while still in the womb and can readily distinguish between them.

Moreover, bilingual infants appear to learn the grammars of their two languages as well as babies learning a single language, even when the two languages are as different from one another as English and Japanese, or English and Punjabi.

Sleep Training

Bittersweet Motherhood:

SLEEP TRAINING

As I write this, I am on Day 2 of Sleep Training little Raya, using the "extinction" technique. This is also known as "Cry It Out".

Let me just preface that being a mother means making a zillion choices. Do I breastfeed or formula? If I breastfeed, do I boob or pump? Do I stay at home or work? Do I get a nanny or daycare? Do I let cry or always soothe?

The blog is not meant to insult people or make judgments. It merely is my experience.

I chose "extinction" technique because it was my last resort. Raya has never been a good sleeper, except during the blissful newborn phase, where she "slept like a baby". But her sleeping rapidly deteriorated at about the 2.5-month mark. She always woke after 30 minutes during naps, and at night, every 2 hours. (at least) This actually climaxed to the 4-month mark, where for 3 nights straight, Raya woke every 45 minutes at night.

Let me again just repeat, I am currently a stay-at-home mom. So, I know Raya's schedule by heart. Since birth, I have never left Raya for more than 2 hours. The ONE time I left for 2 hours was because I got into a car accident, and had to wait for the tow truck.

So yes, I was very sleep-deprived. I had blisters all over my body (my doctor brother said it was an immune system breakdown). I was down to 91 pounds. I got into a car accident.

My husband was also affected. His back was all jacked from rocking Raya to get her to sleep.

And the worst, my 2 children were miserable because they couldn't sleep. Adia walked around with circles under her eyes, sick all the time. And little Raya was starting to be cranky ALL through the day, due to these 30 min naps. She couldn't really stay awake long enough. And because she wasn't getting enough sleep, so she would nap ALL day. And at night, she would arch her back when I nursed her, the whole time with her eyes closed - wanting to lay down and go to sleep.

Those last 2 nights before I started the Cry It Out, my heart screamed to help her. As any nursing mom would do, I just kept my boob in her mouth - always feeding, always feeding.

But she wasn't hungry. In fact, when she sucked, any time the milk would start coming out, she would arch her back and scream. She spit up numerous times, and pooped.

RAYA WAS MISERABLE BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT SLEEP.

She was not hungry, not wet. Not gassy. She wasn't even craving me. THAT night, her cries told me, "I WANT TO SLEEP AND I WANT YOU TO PUT ME TO SLEEP".

But the nursing, the rocking, the singing - that kept her awake and she was really upset she could not sleep.

I actually "accidentally" did Cry It Out that one night it started. She woke up at Midnight. I nursed her. Daddy then rocked her for about an hour, but she couldn't put herself back to sleep. Finally, I got involved and nursed her. I kept nursing her. She kept sucking to soothe, sucking to soothe.

She got so much milk, she spit up 3 times and pooped. Finally, at 2:30 am, I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was DAMAGING her by overfeeding her...and in addition, the nursing was actually keeping her awake, when all she wanted was to SLEEP.

SHE WANTED TO SLEEP. SHE WANTED ME TO PUT HER TO SLEEP BUT INSTEAD EVERYTHING I AM DOING IS KEEPING HER AWAKE.

So, at 2:30 am, I put her down on one side of the bed.

And, I crawled to my side of the bed, under the sheets, and ...

I let her cry.

I sobbed under the covers.

I just kept praying and praying.

3 am. She stopped crying and went to sleep....until 7 am.

30 minutes! I couldn't believe it. Could it be because I let her cry? Could it because she was exhausted?

Who knew?

All I know was...the Sleep Training has started. I couldn't turn back or the 30 min of crying would have been All for Naught.

So, that's how we accidentally started.

And this is what happened, and is happening.

YESTERDAY, DAY 1 of sleep training.

Here was the schedule.

Raya woke from her nighttime sleep at 7:30 am. She was happy and well-rested. Her first 4 hours stretch in over a month!!!

She woke, we played, I fed her, she pooped...and then I fed her again to fill her up.

NAP 1: At 9:01 am, I put Raya in her crib, drowsy but awake.

She cried from 9:01 t0 9:21. (20 minutes cry) Then she fell asleep. She slept. (30 minute sleep - her normal sleep cycle). She woke at 9:45, screaming bloody murder (45 minute cry).

At 10:30 am, she fell asleep again and woke at 11:10 am. (3o minute sleep) When she woke, she was happy, not crying. Just cooing in her crib.

I fed her. I changed her. She pooped. I changed her again. We played piano. We sang. I fed her again to prep for Nap 2.

Nap 2: At 12:52 pm, I put Raya in her crib, drowsy but awake.

She cried from 12:55 - 1:05 (10 minute cry), Then she fell asleep. She slept until about 1:30pm (25 minute sleep), and woke, this was the hardest - she cried for 90 minutes (1.5 hour cry!), on and off. I finally got her at 2:55 pm.

She was not a happy camper because in my opinion, she wanted to sleep more, but couldn't learn how to put herself back and she is SO used to us going in to give her boob, and rock her...

I got her up. I fed her. I changed her. She played, but very tired - for 2 hours. I fed her again.

Nap 3: At 4:55 pm, I put Raya in her crib, drowsy but awake.

She cried from 4:55 - 4:59. (only 4 minute cry!) Then she fell asleep. Slept until 5:35. (35 minute sleep). She cried until 6 pm (25 minute cry), and I got her up.

By this time, Raya was exhausted. She slept a total of 120 minutes, and cried a total of 194 minutes during the day.

NIGHTTIME SLEEP

At 7:35 pm, I put Raya down for the night.

She CIO for 30 - 35 minutes. She also woke a couple minutes after to cry a bit and then she fell asleep....

FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until 7:00 am. 11 hours of blissful sleep for Raya Chang Rickert.

DAY 2

NAP 1: I put Raya down at 8:10 am, drowsy but awake.

She cried from 8:12 - 8:19 (7 minute cry). She then self-soothed for 8 minutes (NO CRYING), before falling asleep at 8:27 am.

She slept until 8:54 am (27 minute sleep). She cried until 9:02 (8 minute cry). I went into adjust her pillow, pat her. She fell back asleep at 9:02 - 10:07 (65 minute sleep).

She woke up, kinda grumpy. Fed her, pooped, changed her. She was still sleepy. I think she wanted to continue sleeping.

NAP 2: I put Raya down at 11:45 am, drowsy but awake.

For only 2(!) minutes, she cried a muted cry. Then, at 11:47 - 11:53, she made rhythmic, cooing sounds to put herself to sleep. She then cried from 11:53 - 11:57 (4 minute cry), and slept until 12:27 (30 minute sleep). She has been crying on and off until 1:17 (45 minute cry).

The poor girl - I finally went in and patted her, turned on the Sleep Sheep at 1:17, and she is now sleeping.

The Myth of Perfect Parenting

There's been a lot of media hype about this one woman who calls herself a "Tiger Mom", who, self-proclaimed she raised two perfect children due to her "tiger parenting".

Now, as a Type AAAAA person, I naturally read all about her, and her books...then decided this type of parenting is not really the type of parenting I can do.

Contrary to popular belief, my brother (a doctor) and I (a lawyer) were NOT products of Tiger Parenting. My parents were always around, and very attentive to our homework help needs. And my mom shipped me around to Chinese school, and piano lessons every weekend...BUT, there were no threats of taking away material possession, of being "grounded" if I didn't practice 2 hours a day. (Actually, I wasn't given very many material possessions. And the piano they gave me was VERY much cherished by me, not viewed as an instrument of torture). I did not go to the BEST schools in the nation.

Don't get me wrong; my parents were EXTREMELY strict. Until I was 22 (and a LAW SCHOOL graduate), I had a nightly curfew of "before the sunset". I was NOT allowed to have "sleepovers", or go to school dances, or wear makeup or shave my legs. Though I was raised in America, I was still "Made in Taiwan", and raised by TAIWANESE parents.

In my humble opinion, the main problem with "tiger parenting" is that the whole concept ignores God. "Tiger parenting" seems to come from a position of STRENGTH in parenting...and the Bible clearly instructs that where there is, and ONLY where there is weakness, can God do His glory and work on us. This is especially true with parenting.

My parents were and are extremely humbled. They had flaws. However, they never took any credit about our achievements. In fact, growing up, I always wondered "Are mom and dad proud of me?" There were NO Christmas cards sent saying, "Dear blah blah, Kelly is Superlawyer now, 7 years in a row, at age 35. She also is a Judge on the bench, and perfect mom to 2 daughters. Eric is a SuperDoctor, lecturing in Chicago and published in super duper expert books".

Quite the opposite, actually.

They tried ever so hard to humble us, and ignore our achievements. They never claimed it as a result of their parenting.

And today, as a mother, I must say - I am against "tiger parenting". Sure, I will enroll Adia in piano and I will continue to sing and play piano every day to my daughters. I will also continue to hire au pairs from China so there is Chinese present in our lives every day. And of course, I will feel proud of their achievements and sometimes take credit for it.

But I also know that outside of love, and giving them a safe, secure stable home with a humble yet strong mother - that I can do to really impact how they turn out.

I am the instrument, but God is the player. So I guess I have to be an instrument that can be molded.

It's really great that I am home with little Raya every day. I am watching her sleep right now - perfect little angel...and I am simply overwhelmed by how fast this whole parenting thing is going. Adia is 3.5 years old! And Raya is 2.5 months old. I just can't believe they will be going to school soon.

I started teaching Adia the solfege system when she was 18 months old. Recently at around 3 years old, I started her on piano lessons using the number system. I will say, 1-1-5-5-6-6-5 ... and she will play Do Do So So La La So -- and so on and so forth, and it's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star! She has been in music lessons since she was 9 months old. And she bears this incredible love of music - especially classical. I am really incredibly proud of her, and I am grateful for God's blessings that I can teach this to her...

But I also know, in a few years, when there is school and many other distractions, it may be a bit challenging to get her to practice piano. I am not sure if I will force her to keep at it. My parents never forced it on me. Rather, I had this penchant for it, and my love and talent for piano was there - so I just chose to keep at it. Hopefully, Adia and Raya will be this way too.

Parenting is quite difficult, I must say. There is a difference between birthing children and parenting children. Frankly, pregnancy and labor and delivery were a piece of cake for me. Both times, I worked up until the day I gave birth. Pushing them out was MUCH easier than running a marathon, or even running a mile. But the parenting...

Parenting is the tough part. When Adia has these incredible meltdowns and says insensitive things, I feel like a failure. I start wondering if I should spank her? Give her less things?

She challenges me SO much. Then one time, I just didn't do anything. I just started to tear up. And she looked at me with curiosity and concern...and then I prayed.

Little Adia is so precious. She prays every night with Daddy. Sometimes her prayers are so darling and cute. Instead of praying for the children who don't have food, she prays like this, "I thank God for all the children who don't have food. Please bless them." Though she doesn't mean to, her prayers always add a layer of innocence, and enables me to see the world clearer.

I struggle a LOT with pride. If there is one thing that God can take away from me, it's this excessive pride. And I hope it's gone, or at least a CHUNK of it is gone, before both of them reach their teenage years. :)

About Sleep

Bittersweet Motherhood

Part V

About Sleep

This entry is about what I wished for when I blew out my 36 candles this past birthday: SLEEP.

I know we've all heard about parents and lack of sleep. But, seriously, until you are a parent to a newborn, you don't know how bad it really is.

I've read Baby Whisperer. Babywise. Happiest Baby on the Block. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. ANY book you can name about babies and sleep - it's on my shelf, and engrained in my sleep-deprived brain.

I also have every Lullaby/Sleep CD out there, from Swahili to Japanese - they are ALL on my ITunes Library. (ok, maybe not ALL, but I have at least 44).

They all got some mighty good points. And sometimes, following the tips actually work. For example, Adia was sleep-trained by Dr. Weissbluth's book, "Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child"

But honestly, the best sleep book out there is Go the F$#k to Sleep. Because let me tell you something, baby sleep isn't a friggin' science!!! It just happens when it happens. And it won't happen in the first 6 months. I guess sometimes you get lucky. We did with Adia. Adia was sleeping 8 pm - 8 am (without wake) at 12 weeks. She hit a 4-mo sleep regression and started waking again, but pretty soon, by 5 months, she was sleeping through the night...it was wonderful, and blissful.

Just when I thought I got it down, here comes Raya. In SOOO many ways, Raya is so much easier. (BTW, the HARDEST transition is going from 0 to 1 child. The NEXT hardest is 1 to 2 children. After 2 children, the rest is a piece of cake - yes, that's right, suck it, Duggars with your 20 kids, Scott and I have it just as rough as you). Anyway, Raya is a piece of cake. She NEVER cries. Why? Because as a second-time mom, I know her every need, BEFORE she even thinks it. So, she never has to cry.

She is easier than my first child in EVERY way, except for sleep.

I just don't get it! Last night, Raya woke every 2o minutes, wanting to suck on her human binky. EVERY 20 minutes! I finally slept with my boob in her mouth. (Major kink in neck).

She just won't sleep!! We have tried everything! Even the Swing! Sometimes, she will sleep in it. OTher times she won't. We have the rocker, the glider, the BabySitter - we literally have every sleep-related device known to man.

I've put Raya down LATER (11 pm), and EARLIER (7 pm), but inevitably, she will wake every 2 hours.

??!?!?! Why?!?!?

Because, parents, she is a baby. So for those of you who have wonderful sleepers that go through the night - YAY! for you! Enjoy it.

We had a wonderful little A+ Sleeper - ms. Adia.

And this time, it ain't so easy.

It's a good thing I am taking a year off work.

Without sleep, brain cells die. Lookie here at Wiki - it says, "sleep deprivation causes the brain to become incapable of putting an emotional event into the proper perspective and incapable of making a controlled, suitable response to the event."

And, "Sleep deprivation may have been the underlying cause of the overdose deaths of celebrities Heath Ledger, and Anna Nicole Smith.^[23]"

This is why I am not practicing law this year.

First, for some reason, my second baby does not let me sleep. So, my brain isn't functioning.

So, in court, when someone presents a brilliant argument (for which normally I have a brilliant response),my brain is "incapable of making a controlled, suitable response to the event."

I have terrible guilt for not practicing law this year. It's almost as bad as the guilt I felt when I didn't time off to stay inside the house every day with Adia. (Remember, I WAS home, I was just out in the guesthouse, as a Stay at Home Working Mom).

I feel like I am letting my clients down.

But, if I go into Court, and I am at a loss for words (which is very rare, but is happening these days, because the most I can muster to an argument after 11 weeks of consecutive non-sleep is "Oh yeah? Well, you are too!"), I just cannot be the voice for the people.

I also cannot remember cases and statutes as clearly as I did before when my brain cells were properly rested and regenerated with sleep.

I know that something happened recently about Prop 8, but when I read the decision, the words blur together and I am thinking about what other binkys I can try to get Raya to take (after buying and throwing away 6 different brands already).

That is why I am not practicing law.

And I am blogging about it because I feel really, really guilty.

I will say, though - in case prospective clients are reading this - Over the past 3 years, I have helped train a brilliant associate (i say HELP because she was already naturally brilliant, and very easy to teach)...her name is Veronica. Veronica is handling ALL my cases now, with arduous fervor, and brilliancy (I know I keep using the same adjective; my sleep-deprived brain can't think of anything else but AWESOME to describe her).

So...my firm isn't shut down. It's just that me, Kelly, isn't going to be practicing law.

I am still running a firm. I had to fire a client yesterday.

I actually made a call while holding Raya so her cries could be an excuse for me to get off the phone.

Instead, my talking in my "attorney voice" put her to sleep!!!

Go figure.

I don't get babies and sleep.

Au Pair, Associate and Assistant - I love you!

Bittersweet Motherhood

Part IV

Au Pair, Associate and Assistant

Happy Valentine's Day!! Obviously, I love my husband, and my 2 darling girls, and friends and family.

But in honor of V-Day, I also want to send love to the people in my life that give me a life. Namely: my au pair, my assistant, and my associate. (You know who you are). I cannot live without these people. Not only do I depend on them to survive - I am close to each of them, and I love with with all my heart.

Especially my au pair, who is regrettably leaving in May this year. People always ask me, "Who this delightful girl who helps you cook, clean and play with Adia?" "How does Adia speak such perfect Chinese?"

And I proudly say, "That's my au pair!". What is an au pair? Well, in French - this term means, "equal". It refers to someone who lives with you - that you treat AS AN EQUAL. In exchange for childcare, they receive housing and food, and they live with you for a year.

The au pairs are here on a 1-year Visa (the J Visa) (you can also extend another year, up to 2 years total), and the program is sponsored by the State Department. In addition to providing housing and boarding, you pay a stipend of $195.75 per week, for up to 45 hours of childcare and other related housework. You also pay the agency about $8,000 upfront for the year. Hosting an au pair for a year costs you approximately $17,000 a year. (~1416 a month). Compare this with daycare (1600 - 2400 a month), or a nanny ($15-20 per hour)...and you have a no-brainer.

Huili is our 3rd au pair. Though not every au pair has been exactly as perfect as her, we have been generally pretty happy with our Chinese au pairs.

To me, the best thing about the Au Pair program is the cultural exchange. My daughter Adia (who is 3.5) is completely fluent in Chinese. This means, she can THINK in Chinese (as opposed to thinking in English, and translating to Chinese - the way I do with French.) It's AMAZING when I watch her play with the au pairs, because she only speaks to them in Chinese. I am her MOTHER, and she refuses to speak to me in Chinese. We live in America, obviously ENGLISH is her preferred tongue. But, since we have an extra family member in the house that speaks Chinese, she adapts quickly and is completely fluent. This is better than Chinese School once a week!

That is what I am most thankful for, and we will continue hosting au pairs until Raya (our youngest) is 18. I am not joking.

The other aspect I really love is the bond that the au pairs develop with our children. I have cried BUCKETS every single time they have to leave to go back to China. When Raya was born, I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to give little Adia all my attention. And I wasn't! It's been 2 months, and Raya is on me approximately 23.5 hours a day. I am not sleeping, not working, and not pooping. I am definitely not able to run around with Adia!!! But, since she has Huili - her own special friend - I can still be in the house with Raya without feeling much guilt that Adia has no attention. She has her own special friend.

It's funny because I can tell Adia sometimes view her au pairs as her proprietary material. If her friends come over, and Huili plays with them, Adia will deliberately sit on Huili's lap. She will cling to Huili because that's HER friend. When Raya was born, one day Adia was in our room and I showed her a pre-Raya family picture of me, daddy and Adia. I asked, "Who is missing in this photo?" Without skipping a beat, Adia confidently answers, "Huili".

LOL!

Anyway, since I took up the Au Pair program 3 years ago, I have referred 4 families who also now have au pairs. They all love it. I would encourage all of you to explore this as a good option for childcare. You may end up lucky with an au pair like Huili - who cooks dinner for us every night, and has made the kitchen her second bedroom.

BTW, I used to do EVERYTHING alone. For Adia's entire first year, we relied only on grandmothers' help, and me and Scott. That is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to your clients to have to schedule calls around your baby's naptime. It is ridiculous to even practice LAW when you haven't slept for 6 months. It is absolutely hazardous and a breeding ground for malpractice!!! Raising children isn't just about playing with them, reading to them, singing to them, or feeding them breastmilk.

A mother's life includes housework: cleaning toilets , cleaning dirty dishes, getting groceries, putting away groceries, meal planning, cooking, washing dishes, pots, pans, dirty laundry, folding laundry, etc etc etc. Added up altogether and you have about 40 hours of work PER day, and your children are awake about 12 hours. (6 am to 8 pm, with a maybe 2 hour nap in between) That is 52 hours in a day you need to allot in order to run a perfect home. 52 hours!! There are only 24 hours in a day, and even if you don't sleep, you just have NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING.

Add to that running a law firm: intaking clients, returning phone calls, working on files, trying to make 40 billable hours a week (which I haven't done in ages, usually, I bill only 20 hours a week if I am lucky when i am working), balancing your clients' IOLTA accounts your business accounts, paying corporate taxes, estimate taxes, FUTA taxes, payroll, paying your contractors, paying rent, etc, etc, etc - it takes about 100 hours per week to run a law firm.

Anyway, you get my drift...I used to FEEL GUILTY about having help. In fact, people still stereotype me as a mom with help - as if my life is THAT much easier. HAHA! No, I have help. And because I have help, I am not DEAD. Also, because at home, I have help which I pay approximately $17,000 a year for, I can bill an extra 400 hours a YEAR, which means I can earn an extra $200,000. Do the math - there is nothing to feel guilty about.

So, working moms without in-home help, SERIOUSLY consider it. You may have to let go of a little bit of control. (I am still at home all the time, and I still have my 100 page indexed handbook that I quiz people on), but it's WORTH it.

Same with in the office. Before I had my human babies, I had a law firm - which was my baby. I created my law firm with ZERO clients. I learned how to build a website...from scratch. I learned about Search Engine Optimization. IN addition to keeping up with FAMILY LAW, i had to carve out a zillion hours to build a successful business. But, I had NO help. Which is stupid.

So, now I have an assistant and an associate (I love you guys).

Today, my life is still a massive whirlwind of chores, and tasks, and baby poo. But, because I have help, I am able to go poo now (while writing a blog).

So, today, I want to thank you wonderful people. I could never do it without you. I am NOTHING with you. I love you.