Au Pair, Associate and Assistant - I love you!

Bittersweet Motherhood

Part IV

Au Pair, Associate and Assistant

Happy Valentine's Day!! Obviously, I love my husband, and my 2 darling girls, and friends and family.

But in honor of V-Day, I also want to send love to the people in my life that give me a life. Namely: my au pair, my assistant, and my associate. (You know who you are). I cannot live without these people. Not only do I depend on them to survive - I am close to each of them, and I love with with all my heart.

Especially my au pair, who is regrettably leaving in May this year. People always ask me, "Who this delightful girl who helps you cook, clean and play with Adia?" "How does Adia speak such perfect Chinese?"

And I proudly say, "That's my au pair!". What is an au pair? Well, in French - this term means, "equal". It refers to someone who lives with you - that you treat AS AN EQUAL. In exchange for childcare, they receive housing and food, and they live with you for a year.

The au pairs are here on a 1-year Visa (the J Visa) (you can also extend another year, up to 2 years total), and the program is sponsored by the State Department. In addition to providing housing and boarding, you pay a stipend of $195.75 per week, for up to 45 hours of childcare and other related housework. You also pay the agency about $8,000 upfront for the year. Hosting an au pair for a year costs you approximately $17,000 a year. (~1416 a month). Compare this with daycare (1600 - 2400 a month), or a nanny ($15-20 per hour)...and you have a no-brainer.

Huili is our 3rd au pair. Though not every au pair has been exactly as perfect as her, we have been generally pretty happy with our Chinese au pairs.

To me, the best thing about the Au Pair program is the cultural exchange. My daughter Adia (who is 3.5) is completely fluent in Chinese. This means, she can THINK in Chinese (as opposed to thinking in English, and translating to Chinese - the way I do with French.) It's AMAZING when I watch her play with the au pairs, because she only speaks to them in Chinese. I am her MOTHER, and she refuses to speak to me in Chinese. We live in America, obviously ENGLISH is her preferred tongue. But, since we have an extra family member in the house that speaks Chinese, she adapts quickly and is completely fluent. This is better than Chinese School once a week!

That is what I am most thankful for, and we will continue hosting au pairs until Raya (our youngest) is 18. I am not joking.

The other aspect I really love is the bond that the au pairs develop with our children. I have cried BUCKETS every single time they have to leave to go back to China. When Raya was born, I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to give little Adia all my attention. And I wasn't! It's been 2 months, and Raya is on me approximately 23.5 hours a day. I am not sleeping, not working, and not pooping. I am definitely not able to run around with Adia!!! But, since she has Huili - her own special friend - I can still be in the house with Raya without feeling much guilt that Adia has no attention. She has her own special friend.

It's funny because I can tell Adia sometimes view her au pairs as her proprietary material. If her friends come over, and Huili plays with them, Adia will deliberately sit on Huili's lap. She will cling to Huili because that's HER friend. When Raya was born, one day Adia was in our room and I showed her a pre-Raya family picture of me, daddy and Adia. I asked, "Who is missing in this photo?" Without skipping a beat, Adia confidently answers, "Huili".

LOL!

Anyway, since I took up the Au Pair program 3 years ago, I have referred 4 families who also now have au pairs. They all love it. I would encourage all of you to explore this as a good option for childcare. You may end up lucky with an au pair like Huili - who cooks dinner for us every night, and has made the kitchen her second bedroom.

BTW, I used to do EVERYTHING alone. For Adia's entire first year, we relied only on grandmothers' help, and me and Scott. That is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to your clients to have to schedule calls around your baby's naptime. It is ridiculous to even practice LAW when you haven't slept for 6 months. It is absolutely hazardous and a breeding ground for malpractice!!! Raising children isn't just about playing with them, reading to them, singing to them, or feeding them breastmilk.

A mother's life includes housework: cleaning toilets , cleaning dirty dishes, getting groceries, putting away groceries, meal planning, cooking, washing dishes, pots, pans, dirty laundry, folding laundry, etc etc etc. Added up altogether and you have about 40 hours of work PER day, and your children are awake about 12 hours. (6 am to 8 pm, with a maybe 2 hour nap in between) That is 52 hours in a day you need to allot in order to run a perfect home. 52 hours!! There are only 24 hours in a day, and even if you don't sleep, you just have NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING.

Add to that running a law firm: intaking clients, returning phone calls, working on files, trying to make 40 billable hours a week (which I haven't done in ages, usually, I bill only 20 hours a week if I am lucky when i am working), balancing your clients' IOLTA accounts your business accounts, paying corporate taxes, estimate taxes, FUTA taxes, payroll, paying your contractors, paying rent, etc, etc, etc - it takes about 100 hours per week to run a law firm.

Anyway, you get my drift...I used to FEEL GUILTY about having help. In fact, people still stereotype me as a mom with help - as if my life is THAT much easier. HAHA! No, I have help. And because I have help, I am not DEAD. Also, because at home, I have help which I pay approximately $17,000 a year for, I can bill an extra 400 hours a YEAR, which means I can earn an extra $200,000. Do the math - there is nothing to feel guilty about.

So, working moms without in-home help, SERIOUSLY consider it. You may have to let go of a little bit of control. (I am still at home all the time, and I still have my 100 page indexed handbook that I quiz people on), but it's WORTH it.

Same with in the office. Before I had my human babies, I had a law firm - which was my baby. I created my law firm with ZERO clients. I learned how to build a website...from scratch. I learned about Search Engine Optimization. IN addition to keeping up with FAMILY LAW, i had to carve out a zillion hours to build a successful business. But, I had NO help. Which is stupid.

So, now I have an assistant and an associate (I love you guys).

Today, my life is still a massive whirlwind of chores, and tasks, and baby poo. But, because I have help, I am able to go poo now (while writing a blog).

So, today, I want to thank you wonderful people. I could never do it without you. I am NOTHING with you. I love you.